Compassion

it's a funny thing. I've always considered myself to be a pretty compassionate person, in spite of my own share of hardships. I've always attempted to stay positive, focus on the good, look at the silver lining, all that good stuff.

And yet here I am dealing with someone who has seemingly drained me of all compassion and empathy. In my heart I know it would be best for me, for him and for our children to accept his apologies, hope for the best and move on. But I'm stuck. I've spent years listening to apologies that were hollow and held no meaning. I know better than to believe that this time he'll pull it together and do the right thing. He won't. He never does. He can't put aside whatever hurt he may be feeling and treat me like the human being I am. He still can't give me the respect I have always wanted.

So I struggle because, as I see it, compassion is what he needs. Because to be that empty in life, to hold on to such anger and hurt and let it impact your ability to be a good person or a good father must be a lonely place to be.

I have a feeling I'll be struggling for a while on this.